Understand the different types of sexual desires

Fluctuations in libido often lead to doubts, even guilt. We blame ourselves for not wanting it , we don't understand why and then *poof* , it reappears thanks to a look or a gesture. It's incomprehensible. What if we told you that there are different types of sexual desires ? Contrary to popular belief, desire is not an animal urge , but rather the result of pleasant stimulation. It is the nature of this stimulation that distinguishes the types of desire. Shall we explain it all to you? Let's go!

Why know your types of sexual desires?

With sex education centered around health and risk prevention, we only have an almost mechanical approach to our sexuality . Add to that a veneer tinged with Judeo-Christian culture where sex is used for procreation and we end up with a clumsy knowledge of what sets our insides on fire.

The result? An amalgam of stereotypes and taboos that we hold to be absolute truth.

Yet, a little information can be enough to take a giant step towards sexual well-being. 🚀

A bit like discovering the joys of clitoral stimulation after years of "getting pounded".

For many of us, that step is understanding our libido.

Breaking News : Universal and spontaneous desire does not exist. We have much more than an on/off switch to trigger the fire of passion. ❌

✨ Knowing and understanding the different types of sexual desire allows us to:

• understand the context of our pleasure
• tame our desires and really know what excites us
• banish the concept of a single libido that is identical to everyone
• communicate better with your partner
• embracing your uniqueness and feeling normal

The Two Types of Sexual Desire

Spontaneous desire

What we call spontaneous sexual desire is the sudden desire that is triggered by the sight of a sexy person or a body that we find desirable. ⚡

People with a spontaneous desire style are often the ones who take the lead and initiate the relationship with their partner. In the collective imagination, they are romantic heroes who become inflamed at the slightest glance.

Spontaneous desire is presented in pop culture as the ideal type of desire. However, it is not the only path to excitement and pleasure .

Reactive desire

Reactive desire is triggered in response to pleasure . It can appear when we are waiting for a date or when our partner tenderly kisses our neck and makes the temperature rise. 🔥

People with reactive desire often tend to feel guilty about never being in the mood and not making the first move. They may tell themselves that there is something wrong with them and start the vicious cycle of stress and anxiety that hinders libido .

If you recognize yourself in this description: rest assured. Reactive desire is completely normal. As in a conversation, you simply need someone or something that tickles your pleasure so that it wants to respond . 💬

When you think about it, this type of excitement affects a lot more people than you might think.

Couples who deplore a loss of libido sometimes do not realize that they have a reactive desire. Yes, in the beginning, we selected our lingerie, we prepared ourselves for hours with the desire to seduce, we increased the pleasure degree after degree. When the time comes to live together, the excitement has not disappeared, it just needs to be fed again.

Debunking the myth of a flaming libido

Knowing the nature of your desire is a great first step in deconstructing the myth of the inflamed appetite.

To go further, we suggest you see the two types of pleasure as a frieze with "reactive desire" and "spontaneous desire" at each end. On this frieze, a cursor named desire . 🙃

Your passion threshold will oscillate between these two extremes depending on the level of pleasure you need to be excited. Each person has a rather predefined slider. 📍 The level of pleasure can still evolve according to a multitude of factors. This goes from the health of your relationship to the atmosphere of the room to the beliefs you have around sexuality.

Good news: if you're experiencing a low sex drive, it may be because you haven't reached your pleasure threshold yet . Change your context, play with the settings, and the burning excitement won't be long in coming. 😉

As you will have understood, sexual desire is not this mystical phenomenon that appears spontaneously like in Hollywood romantic comedies. Reactive desire and spontaneous desire are in reality two sides of the same coin . What differentiates them is the more or less long reaction time to pleasure . To learn more about the workings of our libido and enjoy your life under the sheets, we recommend our article on the subject. 😘