Positive sexuality: what is it, how to practice it on a daily basis?

Positive sexuality ? No more taboos! Although people are speaking out, discussions about intercourse generally fall into two categories. The first is based on performance . The second on problems encountered during intercourse.

The sex -positive movement presents sexuality as an integral part of our personal development. It encourages a change of attitude and rejects current standards of performance and conformism. Having a satisfying sex life is a real approach to well-being. As you will have surely understood, this is the whole approach of Puissante.

In this article, we attempt to answer the question “what is positive sexuality?” in a concise manner.

What is positive sexuality?

We could define positive sex as an attitude towards human sexuality that regards all consensual activities as healthy and enjoyable. It encourages sexual pleasure and experimentation.

As the name suggests, positive sexuality is based on the idea that sex is not a degrading, negative, and taboo subject.

There are different definitions of sex positivity. But the foundation of the movement is the recognition of sexuality, in its myriad forms of expression, as a natural part of the human experience. 🍃

This therefore includes:

• gender expression
• sexual orientation
• the relationship to the body
• the choice of relationship style
• reproductive rights
• how sex education is taught in schools

In short, positive sex seeks to change negative perceptions about relationships and empower all individuals to control their sex lives.

As long as all partners consent to intercourse enthusiastically , being sex-positive leads to safer sex and increased pleasure for everyone involved. 👌

Sex is not a performance

A distorted eroticism

Did you know that there are Air Sex competitions? Just like Air Guitar, participants mime a sexual act with an invisible partner. As the brilliant Stark Raving points out, Eric Clapton never participated in Air Guitar tournaments. A good guitarist is not an air guitarist, and good sex is not Air Sex . Besides, let's remember that sex is not a competitive sport.

Moreover, for most of us, our sexual imagination has been built, directly or indirectly, via pornography . As for heterosexual mainstream pornography, the man asserts his virility by going ever faster, ever deeper and ever stronger. He must make "his female" scream at all costs. 🦁

The woman, for her part, must arch her back, moan sensually without screaming . She must reach orgasm in time and, above all, be a champion of fellatio and sodomy.

Therefore, the pressure on the couple's shoulders is enormous. Some even claim to mentally rehearse the scene beforehand , to make sure they don't mess up. Intercourse quickly goes from pleasurable experiences to sources of anxiety and blockages.

Rest assured, sex is not a competition for orgasm, endurance or a question of inches. 🤍

A question of presence

The goal of the positive sexuality movement is to break away from clichés about sexuality.

Sex is not about performance, it's about presence.

It is an intimate moment shared alone, with two, three, four, twenty, where each person is involved in the entirety of their being . Each person allows themselves to be themselves, vulnerable and open-hearted, ready to give, as well as to receive.

Safe sex

Safe sex practices

Safe sex is a major part of thinking about positive sex. By “safe” we naturally mean protection with condoms, screening for sexually transmitted infections and contraception, but it goes beyond physical health. ☔

The concept of safe sex can also include conversations about partners' sexual pasts ; as well as emotional and psychological safety, such as supporting a partner who is experiencing sexual dysfunction or has a history of sexual abuse.

Focus on emotional safety

When it comes to emotional safety, it's having fun with a partner you feel comfortable with and in a stimulating environment .

Partners feel inspired to express their fantasies and desires in an open, honest and authentic way. Of course, trust is a key quality in a healthy sexual relationship. 💌

Safe sex also places an emphasis on education , as most mistakes are the result of ignorance. By starting a positive sexuality approach, partners focus on destroying the myths surrounding intercourse .

❌ Some myths surrounding sexual practices

"He didn't look like he had an STD."
"You don't feel anything with the condom on."
“Lesbians can’t get STDs.”
"It's a shame to use lubricant, I don't get wet enough."
“Don’t worry, coconut oil works well as a lubricant with the condom.”
“ Masturbating while in a relationship is almost cheating.”

Don’t panic, we have prepared an article with our favorite resources to (re)learn how to please yourself.

Communication above all

There is no positive sexuality without communication between partners. Discussing sexuality before, during and after the sexual experience only enriches the connection between the participants and leads to more intense moments.

In short, communicating your desires , consent , and limits to your partner(s) is essential for a fulfilling sex life. Maybe one day you'll be in the mood to try bondage and then the next day you won't feel like it. Maybe your partner wants to guide you in how you pleasure them. Maybe what you do with one partner you don't like with another.

Please note: sex positivity does not mean having an oversized libido or being ready to try everything all the time. Being sex positive does not mean a permanent desire for sex, or even obligatory sensuality.

Rule #1 of Positive Sex: Do What Pleases You

Our relationship to pleasure, our desires are intimate and part of our personality . The positive sexuality movement highlights the fact that there are an infinite number of sexualities , as many as there are people on this planet. Strict rules and codes have no place in the expression of desire.

It is accepting one's desires and also those of others which differ from ours.

So you will have understood, tolerance is the key word as much for oneself as for others.

As long as our fantasies and naughty desires are practiced in a healthy and consenting environment , nothing is "perverse", "twisted" or "disgusting".

🪄 Some ideas to change your perception of sex as a codified activity:

• sexuality is a valid form of self-expression
• Having fetishes doesn't mean being weird
• sexual intercourse can have other goals than orgasm
• It is possible to change our mind about our desire at any time (even during intercourse)

For Puissante, this movement is an invitation to emancipate ourselves and affirm our sexuality . Whether we are cisgender, transgender or genderfluid men and women, in an exclusive, polyamorous or single relationship. It also includes people with little or no desire, such as asexuals. Positive sexuality invites us all as individuals to express our desires, to explore our pleasure as well as learn to refuse what we don't want. 😍