Masturbation in women, why is it taboo?

A man who masturbates is "logical" "normal" "he needs it" "these are urges". And why don't we have the same discourse for a woman? Why is it not seen as a need, a normal desire? 🧐

“Masturbation in men is more normalized. Whereas in women, it is seen as something dirty and shameful.” –Stéphanie Beaudet, sexologist.

The History of Masturbation

When it comes to female masturbation , we've come a long way. "In the collective imagination, it has always been normal for a man to masturbate out of need, out of urge, but a woman who touched herself was traditionally considered a pervert, a hypersexual . She didn't have to please herself, she had to relieve her husband," explains Caroline Le Roux-Poirier, sexologist and clinical psychologist.

This is due to the mentality of the time, in fact, it was very frowned upon to masturbate in the eyes of the Judeo-Christian religion. According to Freud, stimulating one's clitoris in adulthood was "childish". Even now, many preconceived ideas circulate, such as that masturbation "makes you deaf".😵‍💫

However, masturbation begins in childhood, in fact, children begin to discover their bodies, they learn and discover new sensations. This implies not being offended, not scolding the child who touches himself, and, above all, explaining to him that no one, neither an adult nor even a friend, has the right to touch his body if he/she does not want to. It is important to instill consent from a young age. 💬

The virtues of masturbation

In France, 54% of us practice masturbation compared to 3/4 of Dutch women (according to IFOP in 2015).

Yet according to studies, masturbation reduces stress, prevents cervical infections, strengthens the pelvic floor, helps you sleep, stimulates the immune system, improves depressive states and is a safe sexual practice. 🤩

In addition to having therapeutic virtues , masturbation helps you to know your body, it is a meeting with yourself, it allows you to strengthen your self-confidence, discover your personal pleasures and find yourself.

Masturbation is also an ego boost! It is a feeling of independence and control over one's own pleasure, one's body, one's desires.

Masturbation gives a quick, lively pleasure, almost without fail. "You can reach orgasm in less than two minutes," says Françoise, 43. "Sometimes I do it just before falling asleep, and it's amazing how good I sleep!"

But masturbation also helps to alleviate menstrual pain : dopamine , called the pleasure hormone, is released in the body during orgasms and even while you masturbate. This has the effect of providing a feeling of comfort. In other words, orgasm has a relaxing effect. This is what causes the reduction in menstrual pain. At the same time, other mechanisms related to increased blood circulation help to cool down menstrual pain. Read more in our article "Masturbation during menstruation"

With a ballet of gestures and caresses, we gently reclaim our body. For some, it even takes the form of a ritual to rediscover their sensuality and full power.

This self-knowledge at one's own pace is also a powerful way to establish a framework for what one likes. This is how one establishes one's own values ​​around masturbation and defines what pleasure is for oneself and by oneself. This then facilitates communication with one's partner during intercourse.

Despite all these benefits, many women still do not dare to take the plunge, for several reasons, such as family culture, religion, shyness...

Masturbation as a couple

In a relationship, women no longer dare to masturbate for fear of upsetting their partner, but masturbation is not a sign of sexual failure in a relationship, it can even be practiced as a couple . Masturbation and sexual relations as a couple are in reality two very different things. They can of course be combined, but they generally respond to different needs or desires.

One might also think that single women masturbate more. However, according to an Ifop survey (Le plaisir féminine, 2017), women in relationships continue to masturbate at almost the same frequency.

However, for a woman to talk about it within her relationship, she must feel reassured. And not be afraid of her partner's reaction, who would judge this act as the "replacement" of an unsatisfactory sexuality.

All the surveys show the difficulties women have in admitting their solitary pleasures. As if this could reflect a form of compulsive sexuality.

According to the IFOP study, nearly 45% of women in a relationship have never spoken to their partner about masturbation. 18-25 year-olds seem to speak out more freely, and talk about it a little more within their relationship.

As you might expect, if we were to assume the use of masturbation for an investigation, in everyday life, it is not the subject that comes up the most!

However, talking about it with your partner would also allow you to communicate more about your desires during sex, your preferences, the things that turn you on less: discover your pleasures alone and share them as a duo !

Some simply don't dare to admit it, for fear of judgment, of dishonor...

Léna, 30, a designer, had her first orgasmic trigger at the age of 11. She happily experiences "the little shudder caused by her caresses".

Very quickly, the pleasure provided is assumed. But twenty years later, she observes that many of her friends think that "it is abnormal to enjoy alone". She is surprised but understands: "We have always been told that a woman is supposed to blossom sexually in a couple. We still grow up with this idea that she just needs a man to be happy. If she masturbates, it is probably because she is a little frustrated, or downright nymphomaniac"

How to please yourself?

French women also use sexual arousal media : porn sites , erotic books, sex toys, etc. In 2017, 49% of women admitted to having already used a sex toy, which shows the growth of this market.

Sexual representations have evolved, as have the associated products. Since the 2000s, with online sales sites, then the various city centre boutiques, supermarkets and even love shops, the choice is vast!

There are thousands and hundreds of sex toys. Choosing your first vibrator can be a lot of doubt and hesitation.

At Puissante, we have created Coco , which will allow you to perform internal and external stimulation according to your desires and preferences. Equipped with ten modes for each function, it bends as you wish to adapt to your morphology and be penetrating or not. It has been specially designed to be a first sex toy since its different intensities and modes will help you take your time and discover what really pleases you.

Using a vibrator as a couple?

There are several reasons that can push you to want to use an object during your sexual relations. First of all, they bring something new to your relationship and allow you to discover new sensations, together. They can easily be integrated into your erotic games by becoming your new partner. Indeed, vibrators will stimulate the libido and help you to increasingly sensitize your erogenous zones.

Coco is specially designed to allow a perfect fit between the two of you. During heterosexual intercourse, you can insert the vibrating part into the vagina; your partner will also feel the vibrations and enjoy a tighter stimulation if you practice penetration. On the contrary, the woman can stimulate her clitoris with the suction part and vibrate the object on the glans / frenulum of the penis at the same time. In the same way, penetration with the partner remains possible!

This vibrator is perfect for intercourse between women; one stimulates her clitoris, the other places herself above to penetrate the toy. 💦

Fortunately, things are changing: masturbation is not just a man's business! There is no shame in it.

Discover yourself and your pleasures! 🥰