The 5 love languages
Spoiler alert: love is actually a choice rather than a fatality. Contrary to the teachings of romantic comedies and fairy tales, it is maintained and that is what makes it grow. When we invest ourselves, a romantic, fraternal, friendly or platonic relationship then becomes a space where we can evolve and flourish with our partner. Knowing the 5 love languages and understanding that of our partner (often very different from ours) is the way to meet each other's emotional needs and strengthen ties . Too cool, right? In this article, we present the theory of love languages and guide you to easily apply it to all your relationships.
A communication key for love
Theorized in one of his books by Gary Chapman, the 5 languages of love suggest that we all have a preferred way of receiving and expressing affection . Gary Chapman has listed 5 main ones:
- sweet words
- special moments
- services rendered
- the gifts
- the touch
Understanding these languages is more than just a curiosity, it's a superpower to improve our romantic relationships ! It's a communication key to feeling more connected to our loved ones, and to avoid misunderstandings that can sometimes sabotage beautiful stories.
By categorizing emotional needs in this way, we can learn the secret language of love to make our relationships stronger and more fulfilling. Couples will thank us, and so will friendships!
The 5 languages of love
Words of Affirmation
Words can be breaths of fresh air for the soul . The effect of a simple "I'm proud of you" or "you're incredible" can transform our day. The French language gives us a plethora of positive words that we can express to our lover.
Expressing positive affirmations to your partner strengthens the emotional connection and nourishes the relationship . Recognizing and praising the other's qualities creates a positive atmosphere, thus strengthening the couple.
These words of affirmation, or empowering expressions, are like seeds planted in the garden of relationship, cultivating a symbiosis where shared moments become the blooming flowers of love. 🌸
While encouraging messages, sincere compliments, and positive comments on your social media particularly resonate with you, your primary love language is words of affirmation . A text message telling a friend how much their support means to you or a kind comment about a colleague’s work are powerful vehicles of affection !
Acts of service
In a world where every minute is precious, giving your time to a loved one is a strong proof of love. They represent a language of love where actions speak louder than words within a couple. ⏰
Shopping for your best friend during a painful period , making breakfast for your partner, or helping a family member are all great ways to show someone you care. Doing one or more favors without expecting anything in return , out of pure kindness for the person you love.
Gifts
Gift giving isn’t limited to special occasions, and it doesn’t necessarily mean jewelry or flowers. More than the gift itself, it’s the intention and thought that goes into finding the perfect present that counts.
A gift can be as simple as a cup of coffee for a coworker who needs it, recommending a book to a book lover, finding little accessories for a fashionista, or even a gift card for an enriching experience. 🎁
Choosing and giving thoughtful gifts to your partner goes beyond the material; it shows that you care about and understand him or her.
These gestures show that you have thought of the person and want to please them.
Quality time
While our daily lives are filled with hustle and bustle and distractions, giving your spouse your full attention becomes a valuable demonstration of love. It is a show of commitment and priority.
Phone-free evenings with a loved one, deep and sincere discussions over a good glass of wine, a day for two without the children for the couples of parents who read us, or even a quality moment spent alone to recharge are modern examples of this language of love.
In a couple that values quality time, every shared activity, whether simple or special, becomes an expression of the importance of the other in daily life. These precious moments become the fundamental bricks of the relationship, thus contributing to the development of a strong emotional fabric.
It's quality, not quantity, that matters most here .
Physical touch
Touch is becoming less and less sought after as remote interactions become the norm. Yet we all need tactile signs of affection , and some people need them more than others. Just think of the effect a hug from a loved one has on our physical sensations.
Touch goes far beyond just sex or a kiss. A warm hug, a friendly pat on the back, or even a high-five are important expressions of love for those whose personal love language is physical touch.
Every touch, tender or passionate, becomes a nonverbal communication of affection and shared intimacy. Hugs, caresses and affectionate gestures transcend words. These tactile activities become essential elements in nourishing the emotional life of a couple, thus enhancing closeness and shared intimacy .
How to know your love language ?
Maybe when reading the previous list, you recognized yourself in one of the elements rather than another. If you said to yourself "but that's so me!" when reading one of the descriptions, there's a good chance that you already know your love language! 👏 Discovering your personal love language is an essential personal step to nurturing fulfilling relationships, whether in love or friendship.
To confirm, you can take one of the many online tests, including this one in French.
Take time to learn about yourself , identifying the gestures and expressions that resonate most deeply with you. Explore your past and current relationships to understand the patterns that bring you a sense of growth and personal fulfillment.
A simple introspection can also be enough. Ask yourself how you like to receive love with the following questions: 🔍
What gesture particularly touches you? On the contrary, what forgetfulness affects you?
What do you ask most from your partner? Sweet words? Activities together?
How do you show affection to your loved ones? Small gifts? Hugs?
Finally, to understand your partner, we invite you each to rank the five love languages in what you think is the order of importance for the other. Then, discuss it together to see what really matters to each of you.
Don't hesitate to ask your lover this question regularly. Ask him or her how you could make him or her happier. That's the main thing. 😉
A reading grid rather than an absolute truth
Now you're an expert on the subject of love languages and ready to apply them to your relationships. That's great!
While they offer a fascinating perspective on communication, the theory of love languages comes from the book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by American Baptist pastor Gary Chapman. The book is therefore tinged with religion and a grand personal development spectacle that only Americans have the secret. 🇺🇸
The context in which the book was written must be taken into account, because like any work, it reflects a certain vision of the world, and each person will not necessarily have the same opinion. It is important to keep this in mind when exploring these concepts.
So while these languages offer valuable tools for understanding and expressing love, they are not an absolute universal truth.
We prefer to take the 5 love languages as a flexible reading grid rather than as a rule engraved in stone. Besides, why not write love languages that suit you like "Receiving vibrators as gifts", "Ordering a cheeseburger after an orgasm"? 🤩
Finally, love languages are not static, they are just a page in the big book of your love stories. They can evolve over time, influenced by our experiences, relationships and personal changes. Above all, let's remain attentive to the needs of those around us and to our own needs.
The 5 love languages open us up to richer and more authentic relationships. They are much more than tools for relationships. They are a window into our own way of giving and receiving love. What if understanding these languages was also a step towards a deeper self-love? To continue the exploration, we invite you to discover our best self-knowledge tools ! ❤️
Ultimately, listening to your own feelings and experiences is the key to discovering your love language, a journey that will help enrich your relationships by creating deeper, more meaningful connections.
